Today, I woke up and felt like having Mr bean for breakfast. Okay, maybe it was lunch... (all right, past lunch). I walked down to the Mr bean shop at the MRT station near my place, anticipating the first bite into the warm soft pancake.
I walked past an elderly cleaner lady on my way out of my housing estate. I smiled and said hi. On impulse, I stopped and asked if she wanted something to eat from Mr bean. She looked shocked. She did not even know what Mr bean was, it seems. And she asked, "you want to spend for me?" It seemed like she didn't mind having some food, so I decided I'd get her something.
So I bought her a chocolate pancake (my first love, and hence the first flavour I felt I should give someone who I am introducing Mr bean to). When I walked past her again on my way back home, I passed her the pancake, and she looked like she didn't know what to say. I said, "Chocolate, very nice". She broke into a smile. When I had turned away, she called out, "Girl, thank you."
It made me think about the act of kindness and giving. Sometime in my university education, in taking a Psychology class, we learned about altruism. Some people believe that altruism does not truly exist - the unselfish act of helping someone is not really unselfish, as the person helping derives something out of helping; he or she feels a sense of satisfaction, or derives some other feelings of meaning in carrying out the act(s).
At that time, I really sat down and thought about it. I never thought of it in that way. Could it be that humans are ultimately just completely selfish beings? It was an uncomfortable thought for me, I must admit. I spoke to my brother about it, and he said he felt it was a whole complex array of factors why people help others - and if some part of it was feeling good about oneself, it need not be a bad thing. I agreed with him, it certainly is complex and variable, each person's motivation for helping.
I feel that not everyone is as equally-inclined to help. What makes someone more likely to want to help people, and others more likely to think of themselves (or immediate loved ones)? If someone is more likely to gain something (e.g. feel satisfaction) out of helping someone, doesn't that make that person more empathetic and kind already? Compared to the other person, who does not gain anything out of bringing joy or relief to another, the first person who gains something from helping, gains because he or she feels for people, and hence derives a sense of satisfaction from being able to make a difference. In other words, just the fact that some people gain something (for themselves) out of helping others, reveals the importance they place on making someone's life better. Gaining something out of helping seems to me to be a 'side effect' or even a necessary outcome of a concern for others.
It is of course also important to note that the 'gain' in helping is intrinsic and often personal and small. The person who helps and does not gain money or increased status in life, but merely gains a personal meaning out of doing so, can't be fairly accused of being selfish can she? Being selfish for material gain and glory (which seems to be accepted in the capitalist rat race of today) should perhaps be differentiated from feeling satisfied in the act of giving. In the latter, the prior concern is giving gain to another, instead of to oneself.
Nevertheless, however this debate goes, if I can make someone happy today, I will be happy to do so. If Mr bean can make a difference to someone else's day, then I will share Mr bean.
Life's simple pleasures, indeed.
I walked past an elderly cleaner lady on my way out of my housing estate. I smiled and said hi. On impulse, I stopped and asked if she wanted something to eat from Mr bean. She looked shocked. She did not even know what Mr bean was, it seems. And she asked, "you want to spend for me?" It seemed like she didn't mind having some food, so I decided I'd get her something.
So I bought her a chocolate pancake (my first love, and hence the first flavour I felt I should give someone who I am introducing Mr bean to). When I walked past her again on my way back home, I passed her the pancake, and she looked like she didn't know what to say. I said, "Chocolate, very nice". She broke into a smile. When I had turned away, she called out, "Girl, thank you."
It made me think about the act of kindness and giving. Sometime in my university education, in taking a Psychology class, we learned about altruism. Some people believe that altruism does not truly exist - the unselfish act of helping someone is not really unselfish, as the person helping derives something out of helping; he or she feels a sense of satisfaction, or derives some other feelings of meaning in carrying out the act(s).
At that time, I really sat down and thought about it. I never thought of it in that way. Could it be that humans are ultimately just completely selfish beings? It was an uncomfortable thought for me, I must admit. I spoke to my brother about it, and he said he felt it was a whole complex array of factors why people help others - and if some part of it was feeling good about oneself, it need not be a bad thing. I agreed with him, it certainly is complex and variable, each person's motivation for helping.
I feel that not everyone is as equally-inclined to help. What makes someone more likely to want to help people, and others more likely to think of themselves (or immediate loved ones)? If someone is more likely to gain something (e.g. feel satisfaction) out of helping someone, doesn't that make that person more empathetic and kind already? Compared to the other person, who does not gain anything out of bringing joy or relief to another, the first person who gains something from helping, gains because he or she feels for people, and hence derives a sense of satisfaction from being able to make a difference. In other words, just the fact that some people gain something (for themselves) out of helping others, reveals the importance they place on making someone's life better. Gaining something out of helping seems to me to be a 'side effect' or even a necessary outcome of a concern for others.
It is of course also important to note that the 'gain' in helping is intrinsic and often personal and small. The person who helps and does not gain money or increased status in life, but merely gains a personal meaning out of doing so, can't be fairly accused of being selfish can she? Being selfish for material gain and glory (which seems to be accepted in the capitalist rat race of today) should perhaps be differentiated from feeling satisfied in the act of giving. In the latter, the prior concern is giving gain to another, instead of to oneself.
Nevertheless, however this debate goes, if I can make someone happy today, I will be happy to do so. If Mr bean can make a difference to someone else's day, then I will share Mr bean.
Life's simple pleasures, indeed.
